Be Happy. Be Kind. And Fuck Pants. #ForCheo

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I wish I weren’t writing this. I’ve had quite the productive day, and I know exactly why. I’m procrastinating. I’m waiting. I’m hoping that if I put off putting the words out there, that perhaps I’ll come to find I just misunderstood the whole situation. That I was mistaken. My friend’s not dead. The Tribe hasn’t lost one of their most beloved, kind-hearted folks. Cheo’s not really gone.

Fuck, I really wish it worked that way…

I had wondered what the increase of “middle finger emoji, pants emoji” symbols preceding Tribe members’ Twitter handles was all about. I had seen Anya’s post about him getting an MRI a few days prior, but plenty of the Tribe members (myself included) have had head injuries or other neurological issues. I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until Sunday evening, just a few hours before I was supposed to be heading into work for a meeting, that I realized he was gone.

In typical tribe fashion, our pocket squad sent their condolences, positive energy, prayers, thoughts to one another. We helped keep one another together when even those of us who’d never gotten the opportunity to meet this wonderful man were falling apart. We shared our favorite memories of Cheo, many of us rushing out for donuts or taking our pants off in honor of his commonly-expressed distaste for the apparel. (And really, who can blame him?!) Then someone had an idea, and that idea was quickly picked up and ran with, and spread like wildfire across the Tribe. Now I want to share it with you.

Anya told us that Cheo always said he wanted a party to celebrate his life, and not a funeral. This Sunday is his birthday. It has been declared that the Tribe will fill the day with purposeful joy and random acts of kindness, in honor of our friend. Our Tribe is large and it spreads all across the world, but I invite you to please take part in this yourself, as well. Share it with your friends, your family, your coworkers, that annoying ass neighbor whose dog is always shitting in your yard. Tell everyone you can. Sunday we celebrate Cheo’s life by helping spread the joy, love, and magical energy he instilled in each and every life he touched.

Sunday we will be furiously happy as we laugh loudly, love passionately, do something kind for our fellow man. Pants optional.



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I would love to hear all about what you choose to do this Sunday. Let’s fill the comments section with stories of love, hope, light, and (hopefully) lots of donuts and no pants! Let’s make Cheo proud! <3


  1. // Reply

    Sunday I’m going to be with my parents. For years I hated skirts, enough years that now my parents find it odd when I wear skirts and dresses. But Sunday there’s no freaking way I’m wearing pants. Although it’s going to be cold in New England so I’ll freeze with nothing, my plan is to at least wear tights instead of leggings underneath because leggings totally can be pants. So whatever, I’ll be cold maybe. My parents are way too nice to object once I explain.

  2. // Reply

    A former DBT group-mate is good friends with members of her favorite band. They’re playing at the Harry Potter Yule Ball this week, and she’s got tickets, but I guess didn’t have the cash to get up there. In the spirit of Cheo, I told her I would give her enough to fill her tank up. She didn’t want to accept because I offered on my own birthday, but I told her I wouldn’t take no for an answer, and to simply pass it on. I could feel her joy over the web, even as she thanked me and quickly posted on Facebook her excitement. It was a small gesture, but it genuinely made me feel as though I’d done something huge.

    How about you guys? What was your random act(s) of kindness?

  3. // Reply

    My 14 yo and I put Kindness Rocks around the neighborhood for people to find.

  4. // Reply

    Thank you all for your kindness in honoring my brother by doing kind things for others. I’m deeply touched and inspired.

  5. // Reply

    I usually lurk and rarely post. I follow the various blogges groups mostly when my…ideation is strong enough to be scary. And I need help remembering like everything it can pass. On Sunday I bought a bag of groceries for the person outside our Whole Foods. And chatted with her for about half an hour. I learned about her struggles and her hopes. I couldn’t fix anything. But I learned. I’m not sure if the kindness was mine or hers.

    Thank you all. And those of you that had the honor of loving this awesome person I am so sorry for your loss.

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