I Survived! (Also Chris Evans Won’t Return My Calls?)

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I know you’re scared. It’s perfectly natural to be, Angela. It’s like you’ve spent years of your life asleep, and you’re just now waking up and trying to make sense of your surroundings. Trust me, I know what a bitch that is! But it’s going to be okay, really. He rested his hand on mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I felt the corner of my mouth twitch against my will. With his free hand, he brushed the hair from my eyes, resting his hand on the side of my face. Remember, I’m with you until the end of the line. I felt my heart hammer in my chest, the anxiety of starting DBT competing with the depth of his blue eyes. “You really mean it Cap?” Of course, he replied, leaning in so his li–

Oh! Um… Sorry, I forgot you were here… >.>

HEY GOOD NEWS!!!

I survived my first day of DBT! Which is overall certainly a good thing, but also sort of almost disappointing, because I always worry what the last photo of me alive will look like (yes, I worry about this shit. I’m neurotic and a narcissist, apparently). And let’s face it- as far as selfies that embody the general essence that is this hot mess goes, this one’s pretty on point. That smirk says “I’m a brave little toaster and I’m gonna give it my best”, but my eyes scream HOLY FUCK WHAT IS BREATHING AND HOW DO I MAKE IT DO THAT THING WHERE IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN?!

Fake it ’til ya make it, folks…

I wish I could better articulate the flood of thoughts in my head right now but I’m still trying to process everything. Don’t worry– I’m still stuck on the daydream about Captain America, too. In my defense, I was fending off a panic attack when my “DBT. HOLY FUCK! {DON’T PANIC}” timer hit 00 DAYS: 00 HRS: 02 MIN and I realized this was it. That they were going to turn me into a “functional adult”. And I just imagined being put inside a chamber like they put Rogers in when they injected him with the Super Soldier serum. And then it would be absolute unbearable agony for what felt like forever. When Steve Rogers came out, he was CAPTAIN FUCKING AMERICA. And damn. Talk about winning one for America.

*ahem*

There was no high tech laboratory. No one strapped me to any high tech machines or put me in any physical pain. And I’m not Captain America (yet)*. But I said hello. And I introduced myself. And I talked. And I listened. And I tried to remember that breathing was good, and how to do it. And when I forgot, or I felt like screaming and running from the room shouting “IT’S A TRAP! IT HAS TO BE A TRAP!” I’d look at Chibi-Cap, and I’d remember that I’m tough.

Or I’d remember that daydream. Either way, it keeps my mind from exploding. Good thing, too, because it’s still blown from the fact that IntroAverted celebrated it’s ONE YEAR BLOGIVERSARY yesterday. When I published this first post, I had no idea or direction outside of pouring thoughts out the only means I knew how, in hopes that maybe someone would hear me. Really not much has changed, in that regard. But if you would have told me then that in a year’s time, I’d have had 2,425 views, I wouldn’t have believed you. It may not seem like much, but it’s way more than I ever anticipated. I’ve got a handful of subscribers, and there’s people that like the facebook page that aren’t my Dad or people I threatened/bribed. So that’s pretty nifty.

And by nifty I mean I started to hyperventilate halfway through that paragraph. I mean, that’s almost 7 views a day! That’s about 8 more than I anticipated, to be honest. Now if only I could tell my future husband about my new status as famous mental health blogger. But his agent won’t give me his new phone number, and keeps throwing words like “cease and desist” around. >.>

But anyway, what I guess I’m trying to say is, I think it’s going to be okay. I’ve had a lot of really beautiful people share their stories with me, and it’s helped me realize I’m not alone. You’re not alone either. Cause I’m here for you…

And I’m with you ’til the end of the line…

— — —

*I have a crush on Captain America, but I also want to be him. It’s a complicated relationship, really.

4 Comments


  1. //

    You’re a rockstar!

    Love that pin, by the way!!


    1. //

      We’re *both* rockstars, yo. If things with Chris fall through, I’d wife you. <3 And thank you! I wore it e'special for the occasion... xD


  2. //

    Way to go on making it to and getting through the appointment!! And thanks Chibi-Cap for helping ^_^. I hope this is the beginning of good things for you with regards to treatment :). And congrats on the 1 year anniversary of your blog!

    Also…there’s a FB page?! *goes and ‘likes’*


    1. //

      Thank you!! (And thanks, and thank you again! Aaaaaaand thanks for the like! 😀 <3

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