Bring Out Your Dead (For Funkos!)


The other day I emerged from my comfy cocoon in order to do some job hunting. It’s been 8 months, 3 therapists, and a couple different prescription changes since I last attempted to join the world of the working, and I’m finally feeling “well” enough to give it another shot. I spruced up my resume, trying to convey the confidence I felt and squash that nagging bug of doubt that likes to chatter in my ear.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted. It was so… peopley out there. But I still accomplished my mission, so there was cause for celebration. Before I crawled back into my cocoon, I did a little victory dance. It just happened that the mail lady was walking past my window as I did so, and I just happened to not be wearing pants, because that will come to a surprise to literally, absolutely no one at all. Realizing my predicament, I took to Twitter to ask what an appropriate Christmas gift was for your mail lady who may or may not have just seen you in your underpants.

Somehow, you all managed to make it weird. I’m not even surprised, really. This is just a great example of what happens when we’re left unsupervised. Fortunately, in derailing the original question, we inadvertently came up with a fantastic, eco-friendly alternative to traditional currency. Dead people!

If you want the backstory, you’ll have to check the string-o-tweets for yourself. But let’s face it– who wouldn’t trade their dead grandmother for a Bernard Black Funko? We were hesitant at first, because deceased persons aren’t generally an accepted form of currency, and Funko doesn’t even make Black Books “Pop!” dolls [yet]. But we knew we had to be onto something when our debating on the usefulness of the deceased as currency was retweeted by OnGreentech, a self-proclaimed “social network and data hub covering the renewable energy and green tech sectors”. Clearly we aren’t the only ones who see the worth of discussing this as a possibility.

And why the hell not? 2016 has turned out to be a literal dumpster fire in so many ways. What more could we possibly do that would be even remotely surprising at this point? Now, if anyone needs me, I’ll be writing a proposal to Funko…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.