Sweet Dreams Are Made of Something I Lack the Capacity For, Apparently

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I really wish I had something life changing, exciting, or even just mildly relevant to share with you. Unfortunately, despite sleeping for an average 10 hours a night (and anywhere from 2 to 5 during the day) I’ve been absolutely plagued with exhaustion. I find myself playing tea-time during the day: “One nap, or two?” And the moment I close my eyes, it’s down, down, down that rabbit hole to whatever new nightmare awaits. It’s gotten to the point where I almost feel I’d be better off just never going to sleep ever again.

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What’s the worst that could happen?!

Sorry about that, but as you know, misery loves company. Not that I would ever honestly wish nightmares of the magnitude I experience on another person. Like any other ailment though, it’s oddly comforting in an empathetic sort of way to know that you’re not alone. I’ve always assumed that I had disturbingly realistic nightmares that fucked me up mentally and emotionally because my brain was a dick. I’m used to, by now, feeling a bit “off” for up to weeks on end because of a certain nightmare I had, that may not have made any sense, or that I may not even remember. But I never really considered it as a disorder, let alone brought on by trauma. Not until I, that is, I read this blog post by Outdated By Design.

“As it turns out I have repressed a lot of emotions and rejected a lot of memories from my childhood that once felt too overwhelming to accept as real …  I am done with feeling ashamed and hiding this part of my life from the world. I now know that my condition is a not a sign of weakness but my body and mind’s natural reaction to an unnatural amount of childhood trauma.”

This, this, this, this, this, this, this! I shouted, slamming my fist on the desk. Averyl, the author, hit the nail on the head of a question I didn’t even know I had. She also talks about how journaling her nightmares is helping her cope and even take charge of them. This was a wonderful read that I highly encourage if you or a loved one suffer from nightmares, or even just because. I highly recommend heading over and giving it a read.

Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a nap calling my name…