I really wish I had something life changing, exciting, or even just mildly relevant to share with you. Unfortunately, despite sleeping for an average 10 hours a night (and anywhere from 2 to 5 during the day) I’ve been absolutely plagued with exhaustion. I find myself playing tea-time during the day: “One nap, or two?” And the moment I close my eyes, it’s down, down, down that rabbit hole to whatever new nightmare awaits. It’s gotten to the point where I almost feel I’d be better off just never going to sleep ever again.
What’s the worst that could happen?!
Sorry about that, but as you know, misery loves company. Not that I would ever honestly wish nightmares of the magnitude I experience on another person. Like any other ailment though, it’s oddly comforting in an empathetic sort of way to know that you’re not alone. I’ve always assumed that I had disturbingly realistic nightmares that fucked me up mentally and emotionally because my brain was a dick. I’m used to, by now, feeling a bit “off” for up to weeks on end because of a certain nightmare I had, that may not have made any sense, or that I may not even remember. But I never really considered it as a disorder, let alone brought on by trauma. Not until I, that is, I read this blog post by Outdated By Design.
“As it turns out I have repressed a lot of emotions and rejected a lot of memories from my childhood that once felt too overwhelming to accept as real … I am done with feeling ashamed and hiding this part of my life from the world. I now know that my condition is a not a sign of weakness but my body and mind’s natural reaction to an unnatural amount of childhood trauma.”
This, this, this, this, this, this, this! I shouted, slamming my fist on the desk. Averyl, the author, hit the nail on the head of a question I didn’t even know I had. She also talks about how journaling her nightmares is helping her cope and even take charge of them. This was a wonderful read that I highly encourage if you or a loved one suffer from nightmares, or even just because. I highly recommend heading over and giving it a read.
Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a nap calling my name…