I’d Like to Go Back to Prison Now, Please…

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On a good day, I’m lucky if I can make a phone call without tearing my own eyes out. It’s surprising to think that I could handle being toted through a crowd of hundreds some odd people by a short mustachioed man shouting “OUT OF THE WAY, CRIMINAL COMING THROUGH!” to a chorus of boos and hissing. But do you know who has four ears and was having the absolute time of her life being as sassy and mischievous as imaginable on the prison stage?

YA GAHD DAMNED RIGHT!

I don’t know what it is about getting in character as Ana (one of the main characters of the novel I’m working on), but I never feel quite as comfortable in my own skin as when I’m corseted up and every step I take sends off a little tinkling jingle. The unspoken things I normally presume people think about me were replaced with whispers of “ooh, that’s so cute”; instead of avoiding glances, I was basking in the attention- smiling, dancing around, and actually interacting with people. Maybe it’s knowing all my procrastination hard work on my outfit paid off, or the fact that I managed to successfully makeup like an adult, or even just the layer of anonymity that comes with being surrounded by fellow nerds. Whatever it was, it was glorious.

I’m going to try coming out of my shell more often. Even last night, post-Renfest, I went into the gas station on a quest for a Slurpee, donning my fleece cat eared beanie with yoga pants. I was terrified that someone was going to make a comment or, worse, just stare in some manner of vague disgust. But no! The clerk gave a polite hello, and on my way out (empty handed– damn you Shell!) I had to do the awkward walk around dance with a younger guy to leave, and he actually cracked a small smile when he saw my hat. Maybe he was judging me, and he was just trying to keep it together until I left so they could all snicker and point. Maybe he’s nerdy af too. Whatever the reasoning, I smiled back, excused myself, and left brimming in pride. I’M WEIRD AND IT’S WONDERFUL! YASS!

It’s amazing how much improves when I just allow myself to be myself. Whether it’s on the mat at the dojo, beside my instructor during vocal lessons, or just day to day life. It feels good beyond words (and equally, if not moreso, terrifying) to allow myself to be the strange, imperfect little girl I know myself to be.

Here’s to letting our freak flags fly, my friends. I love you all!

Ana

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a sweet roll to steal…

5 Comments


  1. //

    I made a commitment to be myself no matter what. It is scary sometimes, but faking felt like a giant lie. this is better. It is.

    Sorry on the Slurpee. They’re never there when we really need them.


    1. //

      Tell me about it!


  2. //

    Glad to see you having fun and being yourself. Please don’t ever quit trying to have fun and be yourself. You’re a good person with good intentions, the world needs to see more of people like you, not less


    1. //

      Thanks, Jeff! I really appreciate that. 🙂

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